Under the Ivy

They look amazing in those outfits, was his first thought.

Aiden was his best friend’s older brother.  Jared – the best friend – hated his brother with a passion and for good reason.  Aiden was the sort of boy who didn’t care about other people’s feelings.  He did exactly what he wanted to do, took what he wanted and forgot about everything or everyone else.  It didn’t hurt that he was an Adonis, either.

Aiden had just finished his first year at Yale and was home for the summer.  They lived in Massachusetts; Jared and Aiden’s parents were richer than was fair.  To his mind, at least.  And the brothers fit in perfectly with that crowd, the preppies with their J. Crew catalogue outfits, artfully tousled hair and Abercrombie and Fitch expressions.  His stomach plummeted whenever one of them looked at him.  His mouth ran dry and his palms itched.

They were all currently at the parent’s house; the family was hosting a barbecue.  Jared, Aiden, their friends and some family, all of them too much for him to bear.  He felt woefully shabby in his Macy’s outfit and last year’s shoes.  He hung back from the rest of the crowd.

“What’s up, Mark?” Jared asked.

He turned.  He hadn’t heard Jared come up behind him.  He shrugged.

“Dude, you should be having fun.  I know this isn’t the best party ever but come on, loosen up.”

“I feel ridiculous,” Mark hissed.

Jared was mystified.  “Why?”

“Look at all these people!  Look at you!  Do you think I belong here?” Mark asked.

Jared did look around but his gaze then fell back on Mark.  “You’re my friend.  I don’t care about how you look or whatever.  Seriously, man, it’s not a big deal.”

Mark’s cheeks burned.  “Your brother and his friends are here.”

“And?”

Mark opened his mouth but nothing came out.  He couldn’t think of anything to say, anything that would explain what he was feeling.  His mouth twisted shut.  Jared wouldn’t understand at all.  He didn’t know that Mark cared about what other men thought about him – that he cared about men, full stop.  Mark suspected that Jared didn’t know he cared about anything.

“They’re Elis, Jared.” Jared’s face was blank and Mark rolled his eyes.  “They go to Yale.”

“Obviously.”

“You’re an idiot,” Mark said and walked away.

Comprehension was slow to slide across Jared’s face.  Even then, he still looked confused.

“You didn’t get in.”

“Of course I didn’t get in, I failed Pre-Calc junior year,” Mark said.

“So what are you going to do?” Jared asked.

Mark frowned magnificently and looked at Aiden and his friends.  He looked down.

“I don’t know.”

“What?!”

“Yale was the only place I ever thought about attending.  It was the only place I wanted to attend,” Mark said.

“But you just said, ‘Of course I didn’t get in.’ Shouldn’t you have had a backup plan?”

“Yeah, maybe.  But maybe now I don’t want to go to college,” Mark said.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Jared said.

“I already am.”

They were both quiet.  Jared’s arms were crossed and he was staring at Mark.  Mark leaned against the railing of the deck and crossed his arms too.  He looked out at the lake that waited at the end of the yard.  A narrow dock with two canoes tethered to it floated peacefully on the water.  Jared sighed.

“Why Yale?” Jared asked.

That was an easy answer, though Mark didn’t want to give it.  Your brother.  His clenched his jaw shut to keep the words in, to keep his reputation.  His eyes were stormy.

“Fine,” Jared said.  “Don’t tell me.  What do you plan on doing, then, if you’re not going to college?”

“Become a fry cook at McDonald’s?  Be a greeter at Wal-Mart?” Mark said.

“You’re too young for that,” Jared said.  This actually got a smile out of Mark.  “Seriously.  You’re not really stupid, you could do something.”

“Yeah?  Like what?”

“I don’t know.  Right now, the only place that will take you is a community college, but you can use that as a stepping stone to a state school or something.  Or a private university, whatever.”

Mark looked at his friend.  “Come on.  I think that’s worse than going to work at McDonald’s.”

“You’re such a snob.”

Mark shrugged.  “You’re one to talk,” he said, gesturing around at the party.

“Yeah, well, I come by it honestly, asshole.”  The expletive was softened by the twinkle in Jared’s eye.

Mark sometimes wondered why he didn’t have a crush on the younger Tucker brother as well.  He looked a lot like Aiden, after all.  Maybe Mark just knew him too well to find him attractive.

By tacit agreement, they rejoined the rest of the party.  Jared slipped him a Heineken and, after two more, Mark was already feeling lightheaded.  He smiled serenely at nothing or no one in particular.  His mind was pleasantly blank, just a low buzzing like white noise filling his mind.  College?  What was that?

Mark was looking for the restroom some time later.  He need to pee or puke, he wasn’t sure which.  He was a few more Heinekens into the night.  At any other, normal time, Mark knew the Tucker residence as well as his own.  Now, though, he stumbled in and out of rooms and careened down the hallway like a ship out of anchor.

He had entered a darkened room – the home office? – when he heard someone come in behind him.  He turned – it was Aiden.

“Hey twink,” Aiden said.  It wasn’t a slur or derisive at all.  It was just acknowledgment.  Mark’s pulse sped up and he watched Aiden’s Adam’s apple bob up and down.

“H-hey, Aiden.  What’s up?”

“You’re drunk.”

“I guess I am.” Mark swayed and stumbled until he leaned on the wall.

“Enjoying the party?”

“Maybe I am now.”

Aiden smiled but it wasn’t a very nice one.  His eyes glinted in the low light but as he stepped closer to Mark, his face came into shadow.  His cheekbones, sharp and almost gaunt, were the only delineated feature now.  That and his curly, sandy-blonde hair.

“I’ve noticed you,” Aiden slurred out through pouty, heavy lips.  Mark nearly dissolved into a puddle on the floor.

“Unh,” Mark managed to say.

Aiden smiled, though the gloriousness of it was mostly masked by darkness.  “You’re nervous.”

“I guess.”

“But you want me.”

“Y-yeah yes.  Um yes,” Mark said.

Aiden was very close to him now, he was towering over him.  He was all that Mark was aware of, all the he wanted to be aware of.  His scent, the clothes he was wearing, the sound of his breathing – just his sheer magnetism.  Mark’s knees locked to keep him from sliding down the wall.

The kiss was fast and almost brutal.  It stole Mark’s breath completely before it stuttered back in uneven gasps.  Aiden was unaffected.

“We’ve got the whole summer,” Aiden promised.

“Uh…yeah?”

“Maybe.”

Mark closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing and his heartbeat.  Aiden was toying with him, yes, because Mark’s infatuation only fed into his ego.  Somehow that was clear even to Mark’s drunk mind.  Aiden liked to be admired, he wanted to be worshipped, but that was the extent of it.  Maybe he wasn’t even completely gay.  Bisexual?  He liked the fact that he turned Mark into a quivering collection of hormones.

“I’ve got to get going.  I’m sort of the host, you know, I’ve got to look after my guests,” Aiden whispered.  The breath of his words ghosted over Mark’s right ear.

“I’m a guest.”

Aiden snorted.  “You’re greedy.  I like it.”

I like you.  Mark didn’t say it.  First of all, that was obvious.  Second, he almost hated Aiden for his studied self-assurance.  He didn’t want to feed into it.

“Fuck off,” Mark said.

Aiden kissed him again.  This time he lingered.

“I’d like to but I’m busy right now.  Rain check?” Aiden asked.

Mark didn’t reply.  His brain had shorted out.  Aiden laughed once, a low chuckle that did nothing for Mark’s sanity.  The older boy turned on his heel and stalked off.  Finally, Mark released the tension holding him upright and he sled down the wall to the ground.  He blinked several times, leaned over to one side and puked.  All onto the nice rug, too.

Community college could work.  Anything could work if it meant meeting people more his speed.